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I have been working on lots of interesting ideas, I've become acquainted with some "new" authors (meaning ones I had not read in the past), and I stumbled across something called "Parenting with Love & Logic".
Just over 2 months ago a friend of mine sent me a text message saying "Do you want to take a parenting class with me? It's called Love & Logic, they have a website, check it out". So I did and we decided to sign up.
The principles taught in our 8 week class are so simple yet powerful! It's all about setting limits by giving our children choices. For example; At our house bedtime has always been the time of negotiation & pleading for "10 more minutes". We"fought" to get jammies on, brush teeth, picking out a story, and actually getting into the bed. Now our evening goes like this; about 40 minutes before bedtime Rod or I will say "who wants Daddy/Mommy to help them get ready for bed?" That's choice #1 and it's nothing but choices until we walk out of their bedroom saying "goodnight".
Choice #2: "Which toothbrush would you like to use?" (each of them has always had 2 toothbrushes to pick from)
Choice #3: "Which toothpaste do you want to use?" (Xavier has Buzz Light Year & Madison has Princess, but they can both choose from either)
Choice #4: "Do you want your face washed before night night?" (they both always say "yes" and it has always been part of the routine, but now they feel like it's their idea)
Choice #5: "Do you want chapstick on before night night?" (since I always put chapstick on after brushing my teeth & washing my face, they are just in the habit of doing so...monkey see, monkey do....and again, now they think it's their idea)
Choice #6 "Do you want a story before night night?" (of course the answer is "yes")
Choice #7 "Who wants to pick out the book?" (usually they both do, if so we let them each pick out 1 book)
Then we set the kitchen timer for 10 minutes. We read as much as we can until the buzzer goes off. When the buzzer goes off we yell "YAY! It's time for night night". And both kids jump off the couch excited to go to bed.
Choice #8 "Do you want to walk or be carried to bed" (they both usually pick "walk")
Choice #9 if they pick "walk" to bed then we ask "Does anybody want to hold my hand and skip?" (they both usually say "yes")
Choice #10 "Do you want your night light on or off?" (they always choose "on")
Choice #11 "Do you want your fan on or off?" (again, they always choose "on")
Then we say our "goodnights" & our "I love you's" and walk out of the bedroom without another peep til morning! It is amazing! Some people may think that giving all these choices is just plain non-sense, but in actuality every single one of these choices are things we were already doing every night. The only difference was we were fighting to get them done. I guess because the kids felt like we were "making" them do it and they knew it was leading to bedtime. But now we get it all done much faster and everybody is happy when they hop into bed. And best of all Rod & I still have our sanity!
On our last day of class I told our instructor that just learning this little trick to get our kids in bed in a timely fashion is worth a million dollars (or more). The kids go to bed happy and we are happy too.
The important thing to remember when giving these choices is to make sure you are ok with both options. Children are smart and they will be able to know if one choice is more desirable to you than another. Sometimes when I give Xavier choices he will ask; "Well which one do you want me to pick" and I always say "It's up to you, I'm fine with either choice." At first this would annoy him. He would keep asking me which I thought he should pick and if I would make a suggestion he would always go the opposite way. I think he was expecting me to get upset or was looking to get a rise out of me. When he chose the opposite of my suggestion I would say "Ok, whatever you want to choose." And then he would switch his choice to the other. It was as if he was trying to feel out the choices to see if one was "better" (less desirable to mom). Finally when he realised I really did not care too much how he picked he started picking the choice that he actually wanted.
With Xavier being 3 1/2 and Madison just turning 2, I am so thankful to have been introduced to "LOVE & LOGIC" at such an early stage in their development. They say that learning to make responsible choices and suffering the consequences of bad choices it what develops good self esteem as they get older. If you get a chance check out the "LOVE & LOGIC" website or go to your local library. I was able to borrow the "Parenting with Love & Logic" book and an audio program from our local library. I also ordered a few things from Amazon.
