The Parenting Power of An Affirmative Command

Have you ever heard the saying "The mind can not process a negative thought"? What does that really mean? It is simple really. When you say or think something in a negative tense you are actually telling yourself to do that very thing that your are trying to avoid.

When I was pregnant with our first child, I spent numerous hours reading every parenting magazine I could find. After about the first 10 or so I started to notice a trend. Whenever I was reading an article on discipline the majority of the "tips" suggested giving your child an affirmative command to get them to listen better. Instead of telling them what you don't want them to do, you tell them exactly what you do want them to do. Zig Ziglar has a wonderful book that I recommend to every parent and grandparent, it is called "Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World". In it he dedicates a whole chapter to the importance of speaking to your children in the positive tense.

Think about it, how many times can you think of when your child was doing something "wrong" and you wanted them to stop, but the more you told them to stop, the more they did it. I can give you a recent real life example....not to long ago Xavier (our 2 year old son) decided it would be fun to jump on the couch. Of course I wanted him to stop before he got hurt. I told him to "Stop jumping on the couch" and stopped long enough to hear what I had to say then he laughed and started jumping more. Then I remembered what I had read and I said "Xavier I want you to sit down on the couch". With out even thinking about it he plopped down on the couch and sat. I thought to myself "Wow this stuff really works!" When I told him to "stop jumping on the couch" what his mind really processed was "jumping on the couch", which made him actually do it more. We all know that energy flows where attention goes. That command was actually giving attention to what I did not want. A lot of times when kids get in trouble for not listening it is because they were doing what their mind was telling them to do with the command that was given.

Thinking in an affirmative or positive tense can be a little difficult at first. We have been raised to be complainers and we almost automatically think of what we don't want, but with a little effort and a little practice it becomes almost second nature. The next time you want your children to do something, just try telling them exactly what you want them to do. This will save you on so many petty arguments. And this doesn't just work with your children, it works with your friends and family members too.